Still Banned From Wetherspoons?

So I got a text sometime last week inviting me out for a "goodbye" party out at Wetherspoons, or rather, 'spoons'.  Immediately I thought, "yeah, right," because of the last time I went out with the kids. Technically, it really was a goodbye pub crawl, like you do here. The Jobseekers program that pays the salary for the CS shop workers ran its course and my friends are now moving on to other things, like moving away to Coventry. This was to be the last 'hoorah'.

To this day, we still have not made it to Wetherspoons as a group. Lifetime bans have that effect, I suppose.

No. The revelers started out at Studio where I came across these fine items...

A vending machine that provides slip on flats for those tired piggies after a hard night of working it in stilettos. 

Click to enlarge

Okay. I've never ever seen anything like that before. Excellent idea!

 Here's some samples of the footwear the ladies of the Northeast torment their feet indulge for the sake of fashion...

These particular examples of Northeast Footwear Fashion are extremely tame. Me? I was already wearing black flats. I learned my lesson the first time.

It was loud, too loud. I tried to convince these younguns that we should go someplace quieter. Some were amenable. And then some of them, who I didn't meet because of the fact that it was really loud and I couldn't be bothered anyway, decided to buy pitchers...

Good on him. He was over 7 feet tall anyway.

 I had to leave and I wasn't the only one who felt the same way. When people start drinking pitchers through a straw, it usually isn't a good harbinger of a fun night out with the lads...

So we (Laura, her boyfriend Matt, and I) moved on to...

Popped collar central...aka Varsity. Has lovely large bathrooms.

The Slug and Lettuce. Yes, that's really its name. And it is a huge place. But on certain days and times, they have really good deals like 2-for-1 cocktails. Had a very nice and spicy Bloody Mary. Bartender looked at me like I was crazy because I kept telling him, "MORE TABASCO!" I know it's a horrible picture, but what do you expect?

And then there was this guy. Still the Slug and Lettuce. Gave that chair quite the lap dance. Must've been an invisible rabbit sitting in it or something. It was Easter Eve after all.

Temperature at night was high 30s or low 40s. See the heels? And her dress is one of the longer ones. I was inadvertently flashed Britney-style at one point during the course of the night by a girl whose dress was much shorter than that pink number. 

And what was I wearing? Jeans that kept falling down (happies, dammit), Gap Favorite T-shirt (gray), Gap jacket (beige), Scarf (gray with fringe), black flats. Ponytail. And I couldn't give less of a damn that that was what I wore.

Oh and it rained too. Heh heh.

Finally, because Laura was feeling minor guilt that she was not hanging out with people she cajoled into coming out, we ended the night with all the pitcher-drinking hoodlums at Yates.  The DJ wouldn't play Sonique. Said it was too old. UH, HELLO? Ever hear of retro? Tosser. But I am now happily acquainted with these lovely songs...


and


and Lady Gaga's Born This Way which is a total rip-off of Madonna's Express Yourself...

Amirite?


I was happy to spend time with the ones I knew, happy to ignore the ones I didn't. Because I'm a Sensible Lady. Turns out that I was also Old Lady at the Club. Just like Chef says, don't bother me none.

And so, after a night of drinking a few drinks and observing the natives, I was home before midnight-thirty. To think that I was contemplating canceling so I could watch Game of Thrones.

I love bit torrent.

Working in the UK: It's Champion

Working in the charity shop ain't got nothing on working in the nut shop. Several reasons ascribe this. Hmmm....I see I'll need to start with a disclaimer.

GRATUITOUS DISCLAIMER: I have a job. I am faintly thankful that I have a job. I am mostly thankful that I have a job in this economy. I am very thankful that I have a job in this economy in a place where I can still observe, judge, and make fun of people. This, folks, is my raison d'etre for the moment. I do not have to like my job. I do not have to like anything and furthermore, I do not have to express gratitude. I do so for mere placation of the masses. And also, it assuages any misbegotten guilt derived from my Puritan ancestry. Also also, moose bites can be pretty nasty.
(cue llama music)

POSSIBLY UNNECESSARY BACKGROUND INFORMATION:  Up until a few weeks back, I was a volunteer at the Children's Society shop (hence known as CS shop). It's a good shop and has been post fodder several times... It's where I encountered Russian Hat Man (read this and this and maybe this  and the best post ever!!!so you know what I'm talking about) and where I met the young social circle that I try to find a pub for them to drink in hang out with. Now that I've got kiddo two days a week and my "free" days aren't days I'm needed at the CS shop, I don't get in as often as I'd like to. That, along with the need for greenbacks, is one of the reasons why I applied at the nut shop.

Are we done yet with the PUBI? Sure, why not.


COMMENCE POST:

I'm working on a theory that there is a certain amount of types of customers for the nut shop. I'm basing it on the fact that these types never showed up at the CS shop. Likely, possibly, they're the same people but because of the nature of the two shops, primarily the differences in items being sold, the behavior is different as well.

Okay. So. CS shop customers types.

1) Regulars like Russian Hat Man. They come in, see what's what, buy something or not, leave.
2) Young men/women looking for costumes for a stag/hen/fancy dress party.
3) Eccentrics like Russian Hat Man and The Mumbler Man
4) The lady who we had to watch because she'd been banned from all the other charity shops for shoplifting.

Oh yeah. I never posted about her. And I never say this about any woman, but she's a hag. Anyone who steals from a charity shop, where the proceeds of sales after the overhead is met is sent on to the organization to help those the charity supports. The Children's Society supports hard-luck cased children. This woman steals from children, heart patients, the elderly, so ergo, she's a hag. She even bought something one day, wore it, tore a hole in it, brought it back the next day and demanded a refund. On a £2.99 shirt. Oh yeah. I had fun with her after that.

I never had to do any customer service with those types of customers. I could if I wanted to. I could choose to be helpful or not if someone asked me a question. Most times I did my best to be helpful. Other times I snarked. I used to get a kick out of saying hello to customers as soon as they walked in the door and shouting bye at them as they walked out.

Why? Because it would bring them up short and fuss them a little. Why? Because the style of customer service here is not the style that I grew up with.

Typical shop service here is standoffish acknowledgment. Most times, you're not even greeted as you walk in the door. Can be refreshing to not have a sales associate breathing down your neck, but can also be a pain in that neck when you actually need to ask questions or get help finding something.

The store I work for is owned by an American company and so has American sales approach policies. Do I know what they are specifically? No. Because I could give a flying flip less to know more than I do already. In general, we're supposed to initiate contact with the customer within 30 seconds of their entering the store, preferably while the customer is in the "Golden Zone". Offer help locating item the customer is looking for, redirect customer to special offer, overcome objections blah blah bleckity blarg. Gag me with a long handled broom. Nevertheless, I comply with the sales policies easily; I am American after all. The ladies I work with complain about the sales approach almost every time I work with them. Pretty funny, to be honest.

When I do approach someone, about two-thirds of the time I have to repeat my initial contact which is, "Hiya (very NE British greeting) you alright? {wait for response back} What can I help you find today?" Or, "can I help you locate what you're looking for?" Or a variation of that. Try to make it open ended if possible. More often than not, I get a variation "oh, I'm just browsing today, pet."

Fine with me. I usually back off, chanting the current sales pitch "BUY ONE GET ONE!". If I've had to repeat myself, I'm probably irritated with the person and I'll exaggerate my drawl/twang...which inevitably leads to
 "That accent's not around from here," followed by "What are you doing here?"

So many times this has happened that I've decided to be a bit cheeky and terse when I reply.

Me: "I work here."

Them: "I know that." {maybe a bit exasperated} "I meant, why are you here?"

Me: "I live here."

Them: "Obviously, but are you a student or..."

Me: "No."

Them: {noticing the ring} "Are you here with your husband?"

Me: "Have you picked up your copy of Fancy magazine yet? It's only 99p."

Really, it's none of their damn business what I'm doing here or why I'm here or who I'm with. I can honestly say that I've never asked any of my non-citizen students or any other non-citizen personage why they were in America. I didn't care then, don't care now. If I offer up the information, that's one thing. To be the recipient of the third degree is another.

My favorite variation of the above conversation is when some guy and his wife started singing "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" and then lectured me about WWII and the aftermath and the effect of American culture on British culture.

As a result of working at that store, I've found that a good percentage of older Brits like it when Americans are dumb. Because then they can get their pedantic on. I'm going to have to start screeching "NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN!"

Wow. What a digression.

Back to customer types of the nut shop.

1) The Chicken Customer- has a gait and bobbing head similar to that of a chicken. She has quick and sharp turns of her head because there's just so damn much to look at. 

2)The Browsers- after they've been approached and informed that they can have help finding what they need, they say no thanks, they're just looking. Four minutes after looking around they ask where an item is. Said item is usually two feet away from them, behind them and above eye level. Bless them.

3) The thick Geordie accent customer- I can usually not understand them... maybe every fourth word? But I do pick up the nicest turns of phrases from Geordies. For example, the word equivalent for "awesome." Americans use the word "awesome" and that just irritates many British. If I were to refrain from being the object of disdain, instead of saying "awesome", I would instead use "champion".  The Mumbler Man fits into this category. Not many eccentrics mosey in. He's about the only one.

4) The Regulars- They buy the same stuff everytime. The Indian couple that buys the chocolate covered Brazil nuts, the tall French guy who buys the 500g bags of couscous and red lentils. I have no real favorites yet.

And as they leave the store, I shout at them "Thanks for stopping by!" Works every time.