Does Anyone Else...

...have to feed their kid like they're a baby bird to get them to eat? I really wonder sometimes if Kiddo is trolling me hardcore, because she's done this since, well, day one of self-feeding.

But I couldn't get her to eat this (smaller portioned, of course) superhardchampion meal...

This meal courtesy of my mad skills, Lidl, Tesco, and the United States Postal Service

...because she's doublejonesy for some PB&J. I make gourmet dinners and all she wants is the classic field trip stand-by.

That's African springbok(!) in the southwestern corner, bordered on the north by Belgian Brussels sprouts and on the east by Uncle Ben's tasty San Franciscan treat.

Why won't she eat it?! That meat's badass. Like butter and no, not like the time I ate butter on camera (heh, that was fun) but like so tender I could use a fork to cut it, no knife! And as for fat and gristle? Non-existent.

Will she eat chicken? No. PB&J? Of course, dummy. That's patriotism, that is. Will she eat meatloaf? Yes...odd, that, even with considering how my meatloaf would kick your mom's and grandmother's ass... meatloaf's ass, not theirs. And I sometimes still have to feed her by hand. Like we're not done with the whole imprinting/bonding process. Did I stop nursing too early?

Meh. That's not it.

She's got no problem eating fruit on her own as long as I get the fruit washed first. (GASP, BOOM, SHUDDER...there may have been times she's eaten unwashed fruit! Horrible mother.) I bought a bag of apples on Saturday. There are none left. Hell, I have to restrain her from chowing down on the wild strawberries growing out the back. She'll eat the green ones if I'm not constant vigilante.

"Honey, Mommy needs to wash it first. No, don't eat it just yet, it needs to be washed. Babygirl, let's walk the 50 feet to the kitchen so I can wash it. NO, I SAID NO! IT'S DIRTY!"
 Look at her, kid's so drunk with lust for that strawberry. Not even paying any attention to me.

It's great! Today, I taught her how to open a banana. Why so late? Because she's hit and miss when it comes to food. Food she liked two years ago, two months ago, two weeks ago (I'm done) even aren't safe from her censorial "blegh". She'll make the good food choices; real fruit versus Welch's fruit snacks, until the real fruit's all gone...then she goes after those little bags of gummy goodness. And she goes AllieBrosh-like on ice cream like how Allie Brosh goes on cake. She is almost four, y'all.

So I still wonder, do the lunch ladies at Nursery feed her by hand, too? Should I get a meal calendar from the school, so I know what's she's eating? I want to set up a CCTV feed direct streaming to my laptop so that I can  watch gather evidence figure out what to do about this, to prove it one way or the other. It'd probably violate many of those children's parents' official wishes to disallow their child from being  photographed (that's a totally separate issue) but this is getting serious for me! I have to know, for reals like, if Kiddo is already a mastertroll, manipulating me and her dad so that she gets what she wants, how she wants. If so, then babybird girl's done me proud.

Because I like to think she gets it from me.

The Masking... Royal Wedding part 3

For part 2, go here
Some pictures from Hyde Park:

Me, practising my "William smile"

Yes, Grandmother, I should've had a Stars and Stripes somewhere.

We left Harrods with a powerful thirst. Luckily, there's a chain restaurant, Cafe Rouge, just outside Entrance Three. Aaaaaaaaah. Sitting down and sipping ice cold Stella Artois and watching London go by was lovely.

And then we were like, "now what do we do?" And we answered ourselves, "South Bank Centre!"

We took the Tube to Waterloo, walked several hundred yards, and all of a sudden, this gal was on the banks of the Thames. I participated in the London Eye 4D experience...fyi...4D includes the sense of 'touch'. I rode the London Eye. See?

Looking Southwestish

Looking North Northeastish

The manner in which I chose to carry my Kate mask caused a stir amongst those around me.  I didn't notice, but Ruth did. Later she told me that people would stop, point, and stare. Many laughed.

Par for the course, wouldn't you say?

Notable to me about this experience... Big Ben? Totally squat and not skyscraperish like Peter Pan leads you to believe. And the clock face is lower than I thought it was. And the queues? Not very long at all. Ruth was surprised and remarked a few times how she had thought there'd be more people ...just everywhere. That the Tube'd be crammed and the sidewalks would be impregnable. Other than the short bottlenecking time period on the walk to Buckingham and away from it, were there any crowd issues.

Also of interest: I had Flight of the Order of the Phoenix going through my head the entire time I was in the LE cab. Go ahead, click that link. It's only 1:34 long.

Walked across Westminster bridge. Passed beside the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey. The HofP is an impressive edifice...just smaller than I thought it was. We'd hoped the Abbey would be open, but by the time we walked by (5:15, according to BB which chimed the once) they'd already closed the gates. So, onward to Covent Gardens for dinner!

WE HAD MORE PIMMS!

...and we ate food. Ruth is vegetarian, so her's was a Goat Cheese and Roasted Red Pepper Sammich. I splurged and got a pizza.

Got back on the Tube, headed to Kings Cross, got on train to head home.

And the train is where I got punchy.

Even though I only had three drinks the entire day...

These are the 'tame' ones... the ones I feel comfortable putting online.

These would be our recommendations for the next Royal Wedding...
Folding stools
Bigger hats with veils on the back and bows... many, many bows
Homemade periscope
Fully charged phones
Men to carry things
Pushchair with pretend baby (I swear, that helps to avoid the cattling!)
Shoes with thicker soles or change of footwear (I did pack socks for the train ride home though! Told you I was organized.)
And since I'm a large thigh lady, powder or bike pants. Not pretty. I'm healing though. TMI? Tough it out. Learn from my mistake.

What we did right...
Bottles of water
Light snacks (Nuts [thanks SJ] and Yogurt Fruit Bars)
Making an effort to be festive
Go with the flow style of plans... we didn't get upset at anything or anyone.
We were well behaved Sensible Ladies
Didn't lose anything
Backpack
Right number of companions...good dynamic

We so rocked this royal wedding outing. Thanks for reading.

Yes Alice, I might to exploit with you.

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They're cutting people in half here!

http://census-campaign.org.uk/

And you can 'like' it on Facebook.

I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of our census. Last I heard, it is 46 pages long. Shazaambooie!

Maundering Monday

I'm probably going to have some great news for you on Wednesday. Until then...

Had the most awesomest dream this weekend. And then I learned about the shuttle Discovery's last crusade. Coincidence? A little choked up here. Who's cutting the onions? *Sniff, sniff*

Maybe it had something to do with How to Train Your Dragon contending for an Oscar along with Toy Story 3. Imagine if you will a space shuttle that looks just like Toothless, yet has the same color scheme as Kick Buttowski's outfit. Combine that with the world's longest free fall and you've got my dream. I woke up happy.

It's a No-Brainer

How did this happen?

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (16) Right Brain Dominance: (16) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

NotAboutCake had this quizzie  on her blog and I thought, 'what the hell, why not?' I thought other stuff too, but my brain is apparently too complicated to allow me to express myself with appropriate verbiage, er, words. That and I don't feel like recollecting the leaps in logic from Point A to Point 138. You understand.

And then I find out:

IT'S A TRAP!

Care to understand? Okay then, but beware:

I own you.

I'm going to go out on a limb here...and I'm taking you with me. I'm assigning some of you a topic to write about in your next post. I stole this from SemiTrueTorystellar...so, while I ain't an original, my ideas for this are. 

TexaGermaNadian: I give to you... Watching TV, with your family...since they visited recently. Conversations about who gets to watch what and when and WHY ISN"T IT IN ENGLISH? Fights over the remote control. If there were no fights, I don't care. Make it up.  

Bouncin' Barb: I give to you... Genesis of the Bloggy Godmother. You know you are. Embrace it.

Marjorie @Blogging Butter... Buying shoes at a thrift store, with loose change.

The Minute Man's Wife... Yoga and why you don't do it, even though you've thought about it.

Lauren @ savvy?... I want a full post depicting a conversation your two cats have with each other when you're gone.

Yep, that oughta do it for the moment. 

Un jour grand dehors à la bibliothèque et d'autres endroits

Yeah. I read this book. Today. All of it.

And obviously, the book was good. I got to sit by a huge window, drink some coffee, and eat the tastyhardawesomeness of Bourbon Chocolate Sandwich cookies. All for £1.10. So I hung out at the local library then moved to The Coffee House, Gregg's, and back to The Coffee House. Picked up the kid and the man, went out for curry. I like chicken tikka shashlick. 

Why am I not surprised that 'shashlick' gets the red squiggly lines. It's the damn spelling from the menu!

Bus trip home. Now in a comfy t-shirt and the gray yoga pants the man stole from Autumn. THAT'S A FUN STORY! Save it for another time. [trollface]

Here's where I admit that getting out today was the first time I got out of the house (other than to the local Tesco) since last Friday. I am on a seriously extended three-day weekend, lull, vacay, holiday...whatever. When Natalie wasn't at St O's, I had more shape to the days because I made sure to get and and and and... well, provide her with opportunities and activities other than staring at a TV screen. And then we started to get on each other's nerves. Well, more me on hers than her on mine. 

Here's a fun trollmom thing that I did to her...you recall a previous post where I vowed to call my farts 'the barking spider'? Well, at dinner two nights ago, kiddo lets it rip...and asks us if we heard that spider barking. The man is not amused and I'm like 

Yup. Paving the road to her therapist's office with troll intentions. Hopefully his or her office is across the street from a library.

Reddit is my time waster.

In Soviet Russia, Skype has you!

Got Skype up and running…needed a webcam. Yeuch.   So, yeah. Hit me up for some conversation I guess. Just be aware that my internet here is like pre-fiber optic era. REEEEEEEEEEAAAALLLLLY SLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOW. Try not to expect earthquakes or something.

They’ve got chocolate milk here that is just badass. And like everything else, it has something weird going on with it… For instance, one the bottle of aforementioned c.milk there’s a label that reads, and I quote: “suitable for vegetablists”. Now, I ask myself, what on GGE is a ‘vegetablist’?  Well, lemme tell ya: It’s  a pro-vegetable person. Who the hell isn’t pro-vegetable? Vegetables are good! They are good for you! They sing songs about God and God’s love! Seriously, vegetables do awesomepossum things for your cellular structure! In reality, Urban Dictionary contributors indicate vegatablists towards mockery. Immediately after I typed that last sentence, “Hey Macarena” came on in my head. Go fig. So anyways, the chocolate milk? It is also low fat. I can get my sweet tooth stroked while keeping my butt small. What a deal!

Watched the match between England and US. Then watched the karaoke. And I sang. I made a friend. And I’ve got a fiance for my sister. Pretty productive night if you ask me.

Thrice (that’s three times, folks) since we’ve been here, the mailman…ahem, ‘Royal Mailman’…has delivered the wrong letter. Twice it has been the same address but different street. I’ve run after the guy both times. Much good it’s done. But hey… maybe the third run-after will be the charm. Oh, the third time I guess doesn’t really count because it was for this address but a different person. But not the person who lived here just prior to us moving in… She was Polish and this lady ain’t got that Polishy name. So what should I do? I’ve been taking the previous resident’s mail back to the post office and letting them have at it. But should I keep doing that? Not like I got anything else to do. I like going to the post office. I wonder if the people with our house number but different address gets our mail.

Wednesday last, circa June 9th, Kiddo and I went to the Boyne Play Pit which sounds depressing but it really isn’t. We left the house after lunch and walked over…but sadly they weren’t open until 3:30 later in the afternoon. *sigh*  I told myself I wouldn’t make that mistake again. So, Kiddo and I then walked over to the Langley Moor Nursery School instead. My aims were to get her signed up for the equivalent of daycare back home for a couple days a week, but they’re a real school … they take kids the year they turn three for the upcoming year. So, Kiddo will be attending LMNS starting in September. BUT WHAT ABOUT NOW? I’ll get to that later. LMNS was superb! They showed me around and let Kiddo play while the teachers talked to me. I love this school. Whenever we’re outside (oh those brief glorious seconds when it isn’t raining) we can hear them playing. They’ve got a really neat approach to pre-school: Whatever is used inside for play/teaching is also outside for play/teaching. So if, say, there’s a computer-media center in the building, then there’s an equivalent outside. And if there’s a reading nook inside, then there’s a reading nook with outside books too. When it was time to leave, Kiddo didn’t want to go. She screamed and cried. I’m pretty beat up about this. I am trying to find a place for Kiddo to meet kids her age to play and learn with. So, I toured the University of Durham Nursery and they do have an opening but not until August 15th.  It was a gorgeous philosophy: the kids have access to outside activities and inside activities whenever they want to change what they are doing. They were happy kids. Again, Kiddo didn’t want to leave. I didn’t blame her. I know Kiddo is a pretty good indicator of what is good and what isn’t as good. We went to the Brandon Happytimes Nursery in Brandon (just down the road a bit). She didn’t put up a fuss when it was time to go. Nice facility, as good as what she had back home, but not for her. So, to conclude this issue, I have an appointment this Tuesday to visit St Oswald’s which SciMan walks by every morning on his way to work (he says the kids look happy and the outside facility looks good). Keep fingers crossed that they have an opening and the opening is next week sometime or in near future.

Happier note, I have a nice lady who hangs out with me. Hey mom! She’s French! We met out today in city centre for coffee and lunch and some shopping. I have now made up my mind about the coffee shop we went to. They suck. I bought donuts from the market vendor (yum) and had two left in the bag when I walked in. THEY’RE SMALL DONUTS! Anyway, I set my stuff down and took one out and ate it. Well, as I did, I remember making eye contact with a guy that worked there. He IMMEDIATELY came over to me, got right up in my face, and said “Do you know we sell food here?” I honestly didn’t and didn’t really care. Just told him that I had just walked in and was going to buy a coffee. A large one. And I said it in that nice southern voice southern women use when we want you to go to hell. Sure, I made a mistake but dang…get all up in my face about it? I don’t think so. But I had a nice time after with Sonia. Bought some Father’s Day stuff too. Hope SciMan and Dad like it.

And I started the job search up again. Here’s to optimism.