Why I'm not posting anything about the Queen's Jubilee...or some more inadvertent awesomeness

Because what you are about to see is infinitely interesting compared to an analysis of the flotilla. I did watch the whole pomp and pageantry of the day the Royal Family went to St Paul's for the service and ohmygoodness wasn't the Archbishop of Canterbury a prig?

So this happened...

I have video of this lovely event, but after two days of waiting for it to upload, I declare myself defeated.

C'est la vie.

If you have me in your Google+ circles, you can view the video there.

Here's to random events of frivolity!

Not-so-super-ninja-edit, Sunday 11:03 pm... got it to upload to YouTube. Wheeeeeeh!

Short Saga of Discounted Pussy Energy

Oh. I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.

So, I originally saw the Pussy at Makro. It wasn't hurt or used up or bent all out of shape when I first saw it. My new friend, a fellow Amurrikan named Tammy, has a membership to this Costco/Sam's Warehouse lookalike and she invited me along; she wanted to buy a turkey, I like looking at mass quantities of shit. Long story short, I had to take a picture of this (scroll down if you haven't seen it yet. Better yet, read that post before continuing).

Anyway, the turkey wasn't forthcoming on the first trip. Hmm, methinks you're getting the long story long. No turkey meant a second visit. Also, I saw the big "Santa Present" that Natalie wanted at Costco, but didn't buy it then as I wanted to check online prices and local toy stores. I like helping where I can. However, this is not relevant.

Back at Makro the second time to get the turkey, we swing by the discounted/damaged stock section on the way to the checkout lines. Tammy likes to buy her trashbags from that section.

Lo and behold, doth the Makro provide...

See? What the customer really wants is unbent, unadulterated pussy in a can. I mean, this canned pussy is good to go for another 20 years or so. It'll still be as fresh then as it is now...maybe a little flat but who cares! There might be a little more packaging to trim but it's the (reciprocal) journey that's the fun part, not the destination.

LOOK AT ALL THIS CHEAP PUSSY THAT I DIDN'T BUY FOR MY HUSBAND! It's because it has the EXCL STD. Gives a whole new meaning for the "V" in VAT. Instead of value added tax, we now have vagina added tax.

I... I don't... I don't even... I don't even know how to fit this into my paradigm.

Northeast England's answer to Chicken Matzo Ball Soup

All right now. This is the shit. I shit you not. You need to eat this. Now. But not right now, because you can't. BUT YOU WILL!

So you know all about Chicken Noodle soup and the variations of such, right? Of course right. Well, imma learn you now about "BROTH".

Broth is the Northeast of England's beautiful challenge to the Yiddish cooking mavens' matzo soup. Now, I do love me some of that yummy muck that is angel farts rolled in a ball of crushed matzo swimming in yellowyoniony goodness. But I hadn't yet had BROTH!

So, here's your layout... and I have totally oversimplified the whole shmear. Because I did.

From top clockwise: Carrots, HAM SHANK BITCHES!, Dried Pulses/Soup Mix (mine is barley, peas and other crap that may be wholesome), Parsnips, and Leeks. 

My fellow amurricanz, you need to google leeks. Dey's booiful!

Cleanse the veggies, especially the leeks. Dirt is attracted to leeks. Asks it out and takes it for a coke date, I kid you not. 

For bestest results that were achieved, shred dem parsnips.

Finely slice those leeks. Inhale the heady light oniony scent. Spend your time here. You won't regret it.

Like de pah-snips, shred dem carrots. Shred a fuckton of them. 

Boil dat HAM SHANK! Boil til it fall off de bone! When it be done boiling, pull dat meat off de bone!

Now, the night before, soak your soup mix and follow the directions the next day when you begin to cook. Soaking is essential. DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP. You will have some hard and chewy soup if you do. 

After the HAM SHANK has been boiling for a while, or hell, after it's done boiling, saute those veggies in butter. A lot of butter. Go Paula Deen on this shit.

Add the soaked and cooked soup mix.

Add the bits of salty, juicy, cherubic HAM SHANK meat to the pot. Add some of that stock too, while you're at it. Eyeball it, no measuring in this version!

Salt it up or not. Pepper it up or not. You can not mess this up. Unless you don't soak the soup mix. Then you will mess it up.

Now, when I make this, I need a 5.5 quart pan/pot. You do what you gotta do to handle this Broth.

Get you some good and crusty rolls for soaking it up.

And no, there's no picture of the final product. Because mostly I eat my food when it's in front of me; too busy moving my hand to my mouth to bother with a camera. You got lucky for the process pics.

I've made this twice now and will make it again. Ohmystars yes!

And now for your viewing pleasure... A butterfly walking on the sidewalk

Jealousy in July

I'll admit, I'm a bit jealous of my fellow Amurricans right now. You're sporting your annual brand new T-shirt or tank top from Old Navy, about to pop the top on that can in your hand.

I didn't make it to Old Navy this year. However, there's a bit of lovely Amurrican paraphernalia that came my way this week. Thank you Lindsay. It's the little things that make me warm and fuzzy, like the Tootsie Rolls and Tootsie Pops. You can't get them in the shops here for love nor money. 

Kiddo now knows just how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

And because I'm all patriotic and stuff... I have a little something for you. And as with most things that I begin, I end with a resounding harrumph. Forgive me, I have allergies right now and it's been fifteen years since I saw the inside of Ms Hulsey's choir room. GO PANTHERS! SENIORS '97!

It's the Final Countdown...wait for it...

Thank you University of Delaware's premier air band, "Wind", for this most excellent example of how funny humanity is...specifically, boys.

It is especially awesome at 3:21

Yeah, I know it's old, but whatev.

It is the final countdown...less than 24 hours. I bet there's some major nerves in the Middleton Family right now. Never in a million years would I want to be in their situation. Not much I can do to prevent it, other than the normal "live-in-the-US-and-send-my-child-to-public-school-and-a-state-run-university" preventative measures. You know, just keeping it real.

Got the outfit and "bunting". We will have hats for before the ceremony and tiaras for after, because that's what I decided. It makes sense to me to wear them after, because that's when KissMeKate Catherine will be a princess, in the public view if not the legal view.

And here's what you can be looking for...

Favorite Picture, hands down (-_-)

Inadvertent Awesomeness Alert: I'm a friggin' teapot!

Drop and give me twenty! Or two tenners, if you don't have any large bills.

I've never owned a maxidress before. That thing is so damn comfortable. So yeah, large bright print dress, white hat and red roses...I should blend in well right?

WRONG! Because I will also have a lovely mask of KissMeKate Catherine's mug, er...face. And I will be rebel yelling! Because I am awesome!

Uh, oh yeah! Thanks for the follows on Twitter. Keeping it real, 140 characters at a time.

Also I would like to take this moment to have a wonderful freakout moment with you... While the scale hasn't moved in a while and honestly, neither have I... that there dress? It's a size 12, UK. Which makes it a size...10 in US sizes!  So that's cool.. because while I have no idea what it was before, it's still nice to know now. And it makes up for the huge ass I have.

One last thing, my husband's first words when he got home yesterday were, "that looks awesome!" Normally, he says "you look awesome" when I do something to my hair and put on makeup. I never get called "that".

Such a lovely feeling. Because, if you are a Will & Grace fan, you may recall the episode when Grace's husband leaves for Guatemala with a hot doctor. Jack calls attention to it by shrieking "your husband's going to Guatemala with THAT!"




I leave you with the following submission for Fun Video Friday...reminds me of my brother.

Inadvertent Awesomeness Awareness Day

source
This'll be a Half-Assed Post. Thanks to this lovely lady for the inspire

Hey, turns out I wasn't making things up about either Sultanas or sultanas. This is inadvertent awesomeness!