The Masking... Royal Wedding part 3

For part 2, go here
Some pictures from Hyde Park:

Me, practising my "William smile"

Yes, Grandmother, I should've had a Stars and Stripes somewhere.

We left Harrods with a powerful thirst. Luckily, there's a chain restaurant, Cafe Rouge, just outside Entrance Three. Aaaaaaaaah. Sitting down and sipping ice cold Stella Artois and watching London go by was lovely.

And then we were like, "now what do we do?" And we answered ourselves, "South Bank Centre!"

We took the Tube to Waterloo, walked several hundred yards, and all of a sudden, this gal was on the banks of the Thames. I participated in the London Eye 4D experience...fyi...4D includes the sense of 'touch'. I rode the London Eye. See?

Looking Southwestish

Looking North Northeastish

The manner in which I chose to carry my Kate mask caused a stir amongst those around me.  I didn't notice, but Ruth did. Later she told me that people would stop, point, and stare. Many laughed.

Par for the course, wouldn't you say?

Notable to me about this experience... Big Ben? Totally squat and not skyscraperish like Peter Pan leads you to believe. And the clock face is lower than I thought it was. And the queues? Not very long at all. Ruth was surprised and remarked a few times how she had thought there'd be more people ...just everywhere. That the Tube'd be crammed and the sidewalks would be impregnable. Other than the short bottlenecking time period on the walk to Buckingham and away from it, were there any crowd issues.

Also of interest: I had Flight of the Order of the Phoenix going through my head the entire time I was in the LE cab. Go ahead, click that link. It's only 1:34 long.

Walked across Westminster bridge. Passed beside the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey. The HofP is an impressive edifice...just smaller than I thought it was. We'd hoped the Abbey would be open, but by the time we walked by (5:15, according to BB which chimed the once) they'd already closed the gates. So, onward to Covent Gardens for dinner!

WE HAD MORE PIMMS!

...and we ate food. Ruth is vegetarian, so her's was a Goat Cheese and Roasted Red Pepper Sammich. I splurged and got a pizza.

Got back on the Tube, headed to Kings Cross, got on train to head home.

And the train is where I got punchy.

Even though I only had three drinks the entire day...

These are the 'tame' ones... the ones I feel comfortable putting online.

These would be our recommendations for the next Royal Wedding...
Folding stools
Bigger hats with veils on the back and bows... many, many bows
Homemade periscope
Fully charged phones
Men to carry things
Pushchair with pretend baby (I swear, that helps to avoid the cattling!)
Shoes with thicker soles or change of footwear (I did pack socks for the train ride home though! Told you I was organized.)
And since I'm a large thigh lady, powder or bike pants. Not pretty. I'm healing though. TMI? Tough it out. Learn from my mistake.

What we did right...
Bottles of water
Light snacks (Nuts [thanks SJ] and Yogurt Fruit Bars)
Making an effort to be festive
Go with the flow style of plans... we didn't get upset at anything or anyone.
We were well behaved Sensible Ladies
Didn't lose anything
Backpack
Right number of companions...good dynamic

We so rocked this royal wedding outing. Thanks for reading.

The Cattling- Royal Wedding part 2

Go here to read part 1.

Arriving into London, I was finally able to admit to myself that I was just no good at reading the graffiti tags on the concrete walls of King's Cross. I felt bad for Carlos. He obviously made an effort. Ruth agreed, saying that trying to read them ends up setting off a collectible migraine in her head.

The heat in the Underground was wholly unexpected. As was the huge pram. They really do exist still.

Entering the Underground warren, we heard on the PA system that the Westminster stop was closed. Victoria was going to have to be our best bet. 

At the top of the exiting stairs of the Victoria stop on the Underground, Ruth bought two flags, one for each of us, for £1.50, and I quote "from a helpful Cockney. They do exist!" No Cockney rhyming slang from him (dammit) as he gave her directions for the best route to Buckingham.

We walked from Victoria to Buckingham. In the back of my mind, I was simmering on the idea of kettling. I didn't want to get caught in an area where I wouldn't have freedom of movement if I chose to have it. 

Mainly, this part of the morning consisted of waiting and jockeying for and advantageous position.

What happened instead was "cattling". Like cattle, savvy? We were stuck in an area along Birdcage Walk. There was a lady, accompanied by a younger man, who was freaking out and shrieking at the top of her lungs. She was upset because a policeman told her that she couldn't cross there but she could cross the street at the other opening (where I was, along with 4,000 other people) but was unable to do so because the policeman at the second, other opening wasn't letting anyone cross. 

"I have to get across. I have to get across! I can't stay here! I don't have to wait!"

I eventually had enough of her piercing babbling striking my eardrum. I mean, she was RIGHT NEXT TO ME! "Lady, they ain't lettin' anyone of us cross, you hear?"

Yeah, when I'm irritated, the redneck SE Okie comes out. Thank you Pontotoc County.

Crazy lady calmed down and I saved the day and my ears.

And then the band and Irish Guard began their deal.

And then the cars...

After the dignitaries left Buckingham Palace and the hotel down the street, we decided to walk to Hyde Park. More cattling...

As we were leaving Birdcage, a couple of camera girls with a real TV camera (!) asked us if we saw Kate in person... I was not quick enough to remember my minimal improv training...the first rule of which is "ALWAYS SAY YES!" 

"I saw the car go by..." hopeful wistfullness evident

Their eyes had already swept beyond me to new potential interviewees, "Okay, thanks anyway!" 

DAMMMIT!  I coulda been a contendah...

Walking to Hyde Park was like herding stock into a slaughter house. I even had to negotiate a deadly chain with spikes a la mace.

See? Evidence right there in the road just how similar we were to stock.

But they made us go the long long long way around. Couldn't go back the way we walked in. Ended back up at Victoria station. There was a Sainsbury's right there, so we got lunch. I had a Turkey, Bacon, and Gruyere sammich and some Baked Cheese and Onion chips... the real chips, not fries.

During the course of the day, I tried to photobomb as many pictures as I could.

Probably my most favorite picture of the day. The juxtaposition of the tourist along with the  front page pictures of the happy couple...while the background has all the alcohol. Pretty much sums up the day.

And then I was introduced to Pimms No. 1 Cup...

Not the best picture, really.

It looked like tea but it tasted of royal tiger blood awesomeness. Based on gin, it has English style lemonade or Sprite if you want to get similar and chopped fruit and mint... Ours had strawberries, lemon, and oranges. This is my new favorite. I was pleased, Ruth was pleased, the people outside the restaurant who were selling it were pleased; we were their first takers! Poor things, bless them...

The park event attendants were yelling at us passers-by to keep to the path  because the grass...and other stuff. Eventually, you just gotta ignore the petty and nut up. I walked on the grass. They said nothing to me.

Sure was pretty though.

Big screens!

Yeah, at this point my phone battery died so, no more pictures until I got back on the train where you can access outlets. That's right, I was organized. I brought the phone charger. Well done me.

We watched the ceremony and the leaving from Westminster Abbey on the big screens. Then sat and played cards while waiting for the balcony kiss. Ruth tried to teach me 'Patience', I taught her how to play 'HoDog'. 

Not many people dressed up like we did... we had a lot of glances and random people taking our picture. This one lady, either she was French or Turkish I don't know, but she walked up to us...

"I make photo with you?"

"Uh, whut?"

"I to take a photo with you?" 

"Um...", glanced at Ruth, who shrugged. "Sure! Why not?" Really, why not? We were waving the flags wildly and wearing tiaras and the Kate masks at that point. 

We were very close to a TV camera crew who were interviewing a couple who had just got engaged, then and there. I did my best to photobomb. Did I do okay?

Balcony kiss time! And I missed it. GOTTVERDAMT! I'd been sneezing all the darn day and sneezed at the very moment they smooched. Luckily, they kissed the second time which I didn't miss. Huzzah.

With the excitement over, we made our way to Harrod's. I bought treats for the punkins at home and fended off a crazy saleslady who wanted me to buy a single serving of caviar for £26. What a letdown. I thought I was getting a taste test.

...to be continued

      ...because you definitely might want to see the aftermath of my day in London. I got punchy with Kate on the train...

The Morning Train... Royal Wedding part 1

My first nuclear power plant! WHOOOO SHEFFIELD?

Rapeseed

Woke up at 5 am. Stumbled down the stairs. Wrestled with the coffee machine. Weighed myself. Poured a cuppa. Drank some. Went to the bathroom. Pooped. Washed hands. Got dressed. Put on makeup. Ride pulled up and I was shoeless. Quick kiss goodbye and walked out barefoot.

Train station. Bought another cup of coffee. Splurged on a blueberry muffin. Will never do so again. Eww, thanks ever so much, Costa. 

While in line for the coffee, overheard a posh woman telling another wide-eyed woman in blue velour how not to travel in London today. 

"Don't take a bus, don't even take the Underground! Somebody may plant a bomb! My son's left the city for the day. So many foreigners, you know."

An unmistakable Texan twang answered her. "Yes ma'am, I know."

While waiting for the train to arrive, we were accosted by the random Baptist missionary from Texas. She was visiting old friends from back in the day (last year). She asked us if we were cold. We weren't. Hardcore girls of the North East don't get cold. However, she was dressed sensibly, layers of blue velour track suit covering her generosity of character. We had a moment, her and I, us two American Southerners of the American Midwest.  

"So where y'all going?" 

"London." 

Smiles then at that point, with an elegant and awkward pause after. 

thinking to myself, 'Oh god, I've gone native.'

She shivered, pulled her scarf up higher. "Well, you guys look great."

At that compliment my verbal diarrhetic American self returned. "Thanks! Yeah, we're going to head on down and see what's what. Gunna buy some buntin' when we get there, go with our Kate masks." I tell her more than I intend to tell, more than I knew was for actual certainty. I had no idea what I'd be doing exactly or where I'd be, but here I was, telling a perfect stranger more than was necessary for such a casual encounter.

She looked at us incredulously. "What's a Kate mask? Can I see?"

Ruth glared at me. "Certainly." And she dug into her bag, getting out this fairly common item to show to our new friend the future Queen's mug. 

"Oh wow! That'll be fun!"

A horn sounded from the north, heading our way. Thank goodness. The Texan pastor's eyes took on a wild look as she scrambled for her suitcases. Ruth looked quizzically at me as we walked up to the platform where we thought our assigned car would stop.

"Are you like Big Fella, with the crazy and interesting ones coming up to you for random interaction?"

"Yeah. I got that face."

"Thought so. Oh, no. Here she comes again."

 Puffing after us, Texan Baptist called, "How do you get on the train? Does it matter where you get on or where you sit?"

"No. It really doesn't if there aren't signs that say the seat is reserved. Sit wherever you can."

And then we were on the train. And our tablemates were so sourfaced, I found myself wishing for the brash, nosy American. 

...to be continued

It's the Final Countdown...wait for it...

Thank you University of Delaware's premier air band, "Wind", for this most excellent example of how funny humanity is...specifically, boys.

It is especially awesome at 3:21

Yeah, I know it's old, but whatev.

It is the final countdown...less than 24 hours. I bet there's some major nerves in the Middleton Family right now. Never in a million years would I want to be in their situation. Not much I can do to prevent it, other than the normal "live-in-the-US-and-send-my-child-to-public-school-and-a-state-run-university" preventative measures. You know, just keeping it real.

Got the outfit and "bunting". We will have hats for before the ceremony and tiaras for after, because that's what I decided. It makes sense to me to wear them after, because that's when KissMeKate Catherine will be a princess, in the public view if not the legal view.

And here's what you can be looking for...

Favorite Picture, hands down (-_-)

Inadvertent Awesomeness Alert: I'm a friggin' teapot!

Drop and give me twenty! Or two tenners, if you don't have any large bills.

I've never owned a maxidress before. That thing is so damn comfortable. So yeah, large bright print dress, white hat and red roses...I should blend in well right?

WRONG! Because I will also have a lovely mask of KissMeKate Catherine's mug, er...face. And I will be rebel yelling! Because I am awesome!

Uh, oh yeah! Thanks for the follows on Twitter. Keeping it real, 140 characters at a time.

Also I would like to take this moment to have a wonderful freakout moment with you... While the scale hasn't moved in a while and honestly, neither have I... that there dress? It's a size 12, UK. Which makes it a size...10 in US sizes!  So that's cool.. because while I have no idea what it was before, it's still nice to know now. And it makes up for the huge ass I have.

One last thing, my husband's first words when he got home yesterday were, "that looks awesome!" Normally, he says "you look awesome" when I do something to my hair and put on makeup. I never get called "that".

Such a lovely feeling. Because, if you are a Will & Grace fan, you may recall the episode when Grace's husband leaves for Guatemala with a hot doctor. Jack calls attention to it by shrieking "your husband's going to Guatemala with THAT!"




I leave you with the following submission for Fun Video Friday...reminds me of my brother.

My Easter Candy Swap Arrived! HAAAAAAPPPPPIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!!!!1!

I so happy that I participated!  Erin of My Beautiful Disaster's brain child. She partnered me with Jamie of Crafty is Awesome who took it upon herself to send me some Josh Early candies. Oh the salivation!

She has stationary that matches her blog! So fluffy, I could die!

Bunnies lay chocolate egg goodness in small plastic grass lined baskets. God's Honest Truth!

I just hope hers comes soon. At least, before Easter anyway. Really, what better way to celebrate Zombie Jesus Day than with some Aztec mannah from England?  Hmmm, how many followers shall I lose with that question? (giddiness)

I've been thinking about conventions. ComicCon, etc. What if there was BlogCon? Would you travel to some place in the world to meet up with your fellow bloggers? Meet those that you follow and sign autographs for the ones that follow you? Who do you want to meet and greet? Which bloggers have you in a tizzy whenever they post?

Kidding about the autographs. Really.

But srsly, what about it? Would you attend talks about ethics and writing? Ethics and crafting? Workshops on crafting a fashionable outfit? What about a panel of mommybloggers and non-mommybloggers going at it in a non-oil wrestling kind of way? Or maybe we could have oil wrestling if that's your thing. Some mommybloggers are hotties and they proudly blog about it too! And oil wrestling does wonders for your skin's softness and hair's glow..ness. I should know, I had a friend who did it. 

NO REALLY! She said it was good money. And anyway, it was when we were in college.

Maybe a convention is not what we need. Maybe we just need a big room where we can all get drunk.

On a completely unrelated note, I've got just a few short days left before my trip to London. And I have not a thing to wear!  C'mon people, help me out here. I need real ideas, be they realistic or crazy. In real life, I'm a frump and I don't mind; it's just that I'm a ham also. I wear a Favorite T from the Gap and jeans everyday like it's a uniform. So, if I want to go unnoticed by the cameras panning over the crowds, then I'll wear that. BUT I do want to be noticed so that you can DVR me. I kinda don't want to carry a sign so that's right out and I don't want to spend a tiny fortune blinging myself out. I could carry a sign because I can just throw it away, but I'm really having trouble coming up with non-reddit-y slogans. That and I have problems with the idea of holding up a sign... I'm just not that SURE about my underarms. This isn't mainland Europe you know.

Some suggestions are what, in fact, I am seeking from you. Lay 'em on me my sistahs and brothas! You too, Caleb.