Campaign for Real Ale

Know your rights, especially as a drinker, when you go next to your local. You could be drinking crap for all you know.

I had the amazing, once-in-a-year opportunity to go to the Durham Beer Festival held at the Durham University Student Union.


Yeah. I'm in Alice's world where you can drink pretty much what you want on a university campus. Ring, ringring, ring. Um, hello OU? Yeah, I'd like to open you up for this cool thing called adult discretionary activities where you could allow the adult students and adult faculty and staff to partake of the wonderfulness that is Delirium Tremens....

source

It's such a wonderful Belgian beer, I didn't even mind the pink elephants I saw...

I mean really, OU... If a #3 university in a CIVILIZED COUNTRY can have a family room for the underaged at a beer festival, surely too, you could as well. What better way to keep tabs on our youth than right under our noses as we imbibe?

You could even have security! They have such smooth butts to polish the handrails with! There's bathrooms for the washing of the hands afterwards! WE CAN DO IT! We can be the change we want to see!

And the clientele that would attend are the good ol' boys with money types. With a festival like this, people are there to spend money to drink beer. To drink beer. And to drink the beer. It's classy. See? The bartenders have official festival uniform polo shirts. There's a manly smell that you just can't get from the 50 yard line at Owen Field. Toby Keith knows this.

*****

I went this last weekend to the Durham Beer Festival, obviously. I really enjoyed myself...sensibly. I thought I caught a glimpse of a "minor" celebrity and was thrilled that I might get a chance at a reddit post, "Guess Who I Ran Into?" Alas, the fat man was just a fat man.

The fat man sitting under the PROMOTES DRINKERS RIGHTS sign, to me, looked like Nick the Greek from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. 

CAMRA, or Campaign for Real Ale, is an organization that was started in the 70s here in England as a way to keep drinking from being commercialized, a la Budweiser and to promote small pubs. I had several Englishmen (okay, two) tell me about their perception of Americans and the American beer (they think it's shit). 

According to these two Geordies, and if I'm honest others from the area here as well, think that all Americans drink is Budweiser varieties and the odd Coors and Miller Lites. I didn't totally disabuse them of that notion because well, those beers have their place. But I told them about how when I did go out to Louie's after a hard day of teaching 6th graders, I'd usually get a Sam Adams or a Corona. With lime. No salt. Or a Negro Modelo. With shredded lime on the goblet rim. The bigger the better. No salt. See? I can be a beer snob too.

First beer of the night.

So, the Durham Beer Festival. Really cool in many ways. First, it was on a university campus. Paradigm shift for me. Second, £10 for four half pints and I get to keep the glass? Bargain. Third, I got to go to a part of the University that I hadn't been motivated to explore prior. Really. Fourth, I got to go with my buddy, Ruth.

And I learned a lot about myself that night too. I learned that I LOVE Belgian beer. Best beer of the night? Delirium Tremens, hands down. It won "Best Beer in the World" in 1998 at the World Beer Championships. 

Also, I like the Dumbo reference.

Unhinged Jaws

A few things...

After ingesting our morning carbs and dairy the other morning, Kiddo, SciMan, and I got to experience the spectator sport of watching "Fee Fi Fo Yum", a children's TV game show. It was really interesting that this is quality programming. It was similar to "Double Dare" but the carrot of the game show's premise is to NOT BE EATEN! BY A GIANT!

Oh yeah. Every so often, there'd be "commercials" like these embedded in the game show...because the show is on a fake network for giants, GTV. In the land of the giants, Hairy Mary is the spokeswoman of choice. Go ahead, take some time to watch them. It's only 3 minutes. Just make sure you don't have a mouthful of liquid.



See?

Now close your mouth. You know we could totally use a "Guff Muffler" to help us be in control of our output.

Want to see more? Try this or this. Totally worth your time, especially if you've got kids.

*******

Came across a few more jawbreakers...

Pay toilet outside of Trencher's restaurant in Whitby. Price?
Adults: 40p = $0.65
Children: 10p = $0.16

I think this is a little pricey to pay for #1 and #2. The pay toilet in the bus station in Durham is just a flat rate of 20p ($0.33)

Yeah. I get the rationale for pay toilets. But cleanliness is not always guaranteed. Neither is the prevention of an assault on your ol' olfactory senses.

 

Kiddo got this as a birthday present from one of her little schoolmates. OBVIOUSLY, schmuck means jewelry.
You paint it, then you bake it.
Heart warming. It warms the cockles of my heart.
There's nothing like hot cockles.

While waiting for Dad and Sis to arrive via train...

The "ice-cream-shoppe-vomited-all-over-baby-seal-boots" look.
I hope this look is catching on in the States... I don't want to be all alone with this.

At least VPL is still vogue.

You KNOW they called each other to coordinate!

Seen on the shelf in the children's library... The Ministry of Niceness

Initially, cute premise... but...

the message of the story is that cool people are not nice...therefore, BE NICE.

And then it becomes a governmental policy.

I can imagine...

...12 months probation for not holding a door open for the person behind you,

...2-4 months jail time for not giving up your seat in the front of the bus to an elderly or disabled person,

...10 years for buying Abercrombie hoodies and wearing them in public*. Plus five more if worn while rioting**.

Okay, okay... so that's really stretching it.

But this... THIS takes my breath away...

We're made of PORK! Our business is our own.

Can you imagine the commercial for this one?

interdental lisping: Yay MEAT!

Thank you so much, Tesco!

*Guilty as charged. Oops. My bad.
**I have nothing more to say about this, just thought there needed to be a double asterisk because that's what my teacher told me when we learned about writing outlines in junior high.

First time for everything

To every season...

So, I don't often sing, but when I do, I do it with pizzazz. It helps if you have a talented co-spotlighter. Towards the end of my patriotic tribute, Kiddo was yelling sternly at me to listen to her and stop singing. I had to know more...

...and it got so cheezwhizzy by the end.

Don't worry. It's not going to happen again anytime soon. Or maybe not. Could be a new vibe for Fun Video Friday... hmm. I'll have a think.

Today, I've got a guest post at Kristina's A Perfect Dose of Life. She's been moving from KS to CO and so asked a few people to keep her blog company. I was one of the lucky beggars chosen. I wrote a more in-depth analysis of Geordie Shore for her and I really did try to minimize the cursing. Peter the Bartender makes an appearance. She says that I "make her laugh *most* of the time". I guess the other *part* of the time, I've made her piss her pants and so she doesn't want to say anything to bring attention to that. I can be scary, sure, I guess. I make grown women forget their potty training. Champion.



I've news of my own. We're moving too! Next Monday, I pick up the keys to our new terrace house! Looking forward to dealing with the change of address stuffage and to having clean pants!

I want to have a Geordie makeover & Day 17

Geordie Shore was everything I wanted it to be. Dirty and nutty, filthy and slutty. These kids are crazy.



I thought I wouldn't like Vicki, but I just might... if she keeps up the levelheadedstreetness she exhibited in the first episode. And yet, Charlotte-Letitia will most likely stay my fave.

I care nothing for the gym bunnies, ahem...boys. The old guy is cool(ish) though.

After watching Geordie Shore last night, I've decided I need another go at a night out with the lads in Newcastle. We attempted it, sort of, with the Christmas Curry Dinner...but because we hadn't completely shed our Sensible Ladies' persona, it was a bit tame.

I think, that if I were to go full out using fake eyelashes, hair extensions and some spray tan along with a short dress and high heels, then I can get a "native" experience. I'm thinking of calling it "Midsummer's Night Out"... whatchoo think? Missy, you up for it?

Day 17- Book turned movie and completely desecrated.

I mentioned it earlier this week... but Michael Ende's The NeverEnding Story ain't what you see on celluloid, kids.

FOR INSTANCE, raise your hand if you know the Child-like Empress' name? Ah...just a couple of you. Well, the movie ends basically a scene or two after the Empress gets a new name and Bastian goes nuts with Falkor.

But in the book, it's only the middle. The story's just getting started... remember? The NeverEnding Story?

source

Here's a nice list of the differences:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_NeverEnding_Story_(film)#Differences_from_the_novel  because I can't be bothered to elucidate, as I feel it'd be akin to plagiarism

Apparently, there's a new adaptation in the works, thanks to Leonardo diCaprio. He's such a child of the 80s.  Probably why. Look for it in 2014!

Alreet, Big Brother?

Some things are sacred and are not to be messed with. If they do mess with those holies, I want "te dunsh them in the heed". Ya knaa what ah mean leik? Take for instance, my friend wanting me to find some curse words or phrases, Geordie-speak leik, that she can use against her hinney. Ah hev nar na wish tuh start a barney inatween a husband an' a missus. Another thing that "shud neet be messed wi'" is TV.

I believe in free TV channels. The major news network affiliates have the airwaves from the government for free in the US, right? This is why you don't have to buy a subscription to Cox Cable if you just want ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, Fox25 and Channel 34...whatever Channel 34 is now... WGN? Have things changed since I left home?

No free TV here at any rate.

The government WILL come to your house to make sure you are not watching TV without a license.

source, Reddit of course.

Kiss my grits. As of today's exchange rate, the yearly fee is the rough equivalent of USD $237.46. I am leaving so very very very very soon.

Oh, this is not a letter to me. No. I threw my letter away last June, stupidly forgetting to take a picture of it. This letter is to a guy who bought the TV from Tesco as a GIFT. I stole it from reddit.

While I do not have "cable", I do have a TV that I use to watch DVDs. I do not need a license for this type of use, thank god.

Hulu is unavailable here in my area. 

The apologists for TV licensing go on and on about how individuals benefit from watching BBC and since they take advantage of said benefits, then individuals must contribute. Supposedly this is why BBC programming is the classy dame of the broadcasting world.

No. I disagree. With all of it. D'ye heor wor Muckle Brother? I'll contribute to my local PBS station when the time comes, because I want punkin to get to watch Anne of Green Gables and Sesame Street. But I'll do it because I want to, not because I have to.

And that has made all the difference.

Geordie Phrase of the Day vol. 2

Twice yesterday, two customers at two different times (also two different genders) said they were "just having a bit of a mooch."

Urban Dictionary (thank God for that crap) had so many different meanings that if I only knew the first two, I'd've been offended. As it was intended however, it is "aimless carrying out of tasks subconsciously". Otherwise known as browsing.

Some more fun:

"Divn't dunch us!" = Don't bump into me. (Found on a bumper sticker.)

"Hoo's ya fettle?" = How are you?

"Ta-rah now, pet." = Goodbye (to a female. Also duck and flower can be interchanged with pet)

"Ootside! Yeandme!" = Let us step outside and settle our differences, man to man, like gentlemen. (I've only heard this the once. Bunch of tossers.)

If you want to order a ham sandwich (which you shouldn't because it's not all that common) you'd say, "Ah want a ham bait." And since you most likely shouldn't order the ham sandwich due to you being able to get ham at home, (why are you ordering a ham sandwich on vacation!?) you should order the chicken and sweetcorn jacket, which is a baked potato. Or if you don't like chicken and sweetcorn, try tuna and beans on your jacket potato. It's very nice.

Should your friend get the same thing you order and doesn't eat very neatly, you could say to them, "Yee hev summat on yor face."

When husband comes home and you're up to the elbows in dishes/laundry/diapers/wet mani-pedi, you can tell your hinney to "tek the doog yeut fo' a pee, me hands are full up now."

The Geordie accent is among a few other British accents to appear to be discriminated against based on what I've seen and read online. But that Cheryl Cole from the X Factor is Geordie and also call centers report that listeners say it is a relaxing accent. So things are looking up for Geordie speakers.

So, leave a comment with what you want translated into Geordie. This should be fun. Ta-ra now, pets/ducks/flowers.

I introduce you to some mean Brit Slang and some good Chicken Pot

This post is brought to you by the letters F, Y, E, A, & H and the number 15. Sponsored by the many pictures you are about to see. 

Geordie Phrase of the Day vol. 1

Yay, for me. Yay for you too if you need that sort of affirmation. I had my first full shift and there's nothing to tell other than I had a bit of an ache in my back when I finished. Anyone who has ever worked in a mall, selling whatever, knows what I'm on about. Selling nuts and assorted sundries, none of it I can eat or that I should eat (see stage right). Yay for job! I'm as excited as I can be. Really. It's going to get me out of the house! I appreciate all your happies for me. That means a lot.

The non-alcoholic ginger beer/wine was opened for sampling. I expected something similar to ginger ale. I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Oh how wrong.

 

Supposedly it is a traditional beverage around the holidays as well as a nausea inhibitor...travel sickness, morning sickness. A winter warmer, so to speak. So, where's the antidote to this stuff? What do I drink to get rid of the nausea it itself induced? Oh how I long for a rootbeer. I can get a sarsaparilla or a cream soda...but no rootbeer. No rootbeer float for that matter. What did I learn today? The Dickensian recipe is not my thing, but yogurt covered raisins are okay.

In the course of the day, I picked up a couple of phrases I'd not heard yet:

1) "Flying around like a blue assed fly" and 2) "...having a right bad fettle."

Phrase one: US equivalent: running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off. (That got a small laugh.)

Phrase two: US equivalent: in a bad mood.

Also, the use of the plural pronoun "us" as a self-referencing pronoun. For example:

Friend: You coming out with us this Saturday?

Me: Who all is going?

Friend: Just me so far.

Here's another:

Friend: Och, he doesn't like us today very much.

Me: You and who else?

Friend: No, just me.

I get the impression that this is a language tic that is localized to areas north of the River Tyne.

Daylight savings won't happen here for another two weeks. The clock on my laptop had been the last bastion of my holding out against complete adjustment to life here. Upon arrival and unpacking, I didn't change it to the time I was geographically located in. It was just easier for me to remember home is six hours behind if it (the time) was staring at me from the little box in the lower right hand corner. A little bit of home here that took up neither shelf, floor, or drawer space. I'd look at that digital number representation and see that at 3pm here it'd be 9 am there. It was strangely comforting. It also (just a tiny bit) annoyed my husband. 

Small victories from minor skirmishes wins the war, people!

But since six hours is no longer the difference, due to the dastardly Daylight Savings Time Change, I've surrendered to the inevitable. I must do as the 'Romans' do as converting five hours is too much math for me. Can't be bothered. And since I've no clock hanging on the walls (ours broke during shipping, GAH!) and my phone is not always within reach, I should have the correct time at a glance, ness pah?

Although, in all likelihood (because of my natural prickliness and contrariness) I'll change it back to CST when we have our own time change here. Hey, if I've got to manually make the change, why not put it back to it's original factory settings?

Daunting cycle, innit?