Jealousy in July

I'll admit, I'm a bit jealous of my fellow Amurricans right now. You're sporting your annual brand new T-shirt or tank top from Old Navy, about to pop the top on that can in your hand.

I didn't make it to Old Navy this year. However, there's a bit of lovely Amurrican paraphernalia that came my way this week. Thank you Lindsay. It's the little things that make me warm and fuzzy, like the Tootsie Rolls and Tootsie Pops. You can't get them in the shops here for love nor money. 

Kiddo now knows just how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

And because I'm all patriotic and stuff... I have a little something for you. And as with most things that I begin, I end with a resounding harrumph. Forgive me, I have allergies right now and it's been fifteen years since I saw the inside of Ms Hulsey's choir room. GO PANTHERS! SENIORS '97!

Almost done... Fun Video Friday and Blog Herpes

Friday again... and it's a light one this time... it's 11:40 pm here and there's still some light outside. This must be how Canadians live.

via Stephanie at the Odd Duck... Steph...thanks. This was really nice.

Giving it to:

Rachel

Selena

RancherMom

Bouncin' Barb

A Bitch Called Mom- do you even read this?

Erin at My Beautiful Disaster

Aimee at Pleasantly Demented

The Minute Man's Wife

LeighAnn

Kari
Colie
Dwija

Adryon

...and anyone else I've forgotten to think about. Love you!

My favorite part of the post now:


You've probably seen Jay Pharaoh on SNL. Not me; he joined the cast after we moved. So...how is he?

Does Anyone Else...

...have to feed their kid like they're a baby bird to get them to eat? I really wonder sometimes if Kiddo is trolling me hardcore, because she's done this since, well, day one of self-feeding.

But I couldn't get her to eat this (smaller portioned, of course) superhardchampion meal...

This meal courtesy of my mad skills, Lidl, Tesco, and the United States Postal Service

...because she's doublejonesy for some PB&J. I make gourmet dinners and all she wants is the classic field trip stand-by.

That's African springbok(!) in the southwestern corner, bordered on the north by Belgian Brussels sprouts and on the east by Uncle Ben's tasty San Franciscan treat.

Why won't she eat it?! That meat's badass. Like butter and no, not like the time I ate butter on camera (heh, that was fun) but like so tender I could use a fork to cut it, no knife! And as for fat and gristle? Non-existent.

Will she eat chicken? No. PB&J? Of course, dummy. That's patriotism, that is. Will she eat meatloaf? Yes...odd, that, even with considering how my meatloaf would kick your mom's and grandmother's ass... meatloaf's ass, not theirs. And I sometimes still have to feed her by hand. Like we're not done with the whole imprinting/bonding process. Did I stop nursing too early?

Meh. That's not it.

She's got no problem eating fruit on her own as long as I get the fruit washed first. (GASP, BOOM, SHUDDER...there may have been times she's eaten unwashed fruit! Horrible mother.) I bought a bag of apples on Saturday. There are none left. Hell, I have to restrain her from chowing down on the wild strawberries growing out the back. She'll eat the green ones if I'm not constant vigilante.

"Honey, Mommy needs to wash it first. No, don't eat it just yet, it needs to be washed. Babygirl, let's walk the 50 feet to the kitchen so I can wash it. NO, I SAID NO! IT'S DIRTY!"
 Look at her, kid's so drunk with lust for that strawberry. Not even paying any attention to me.

It's great! Today, I taught her how to open a banana. Why so late? Because she's hit and miss when it comes to food. Food she liked two years ago, two months ago, two weeks ago (I'm done) even aren't safe from her censorial "blegh". She'll make the good food choices; real fruit versus Welch's fruit snacks, until the real fruit's all gone...then she goes after those little bags of gummy goodness. And she goes AllieBrosh-like on ice cream like how Allie Brosh goes on cake. She is almost four, y'all.

So I still wonder, do the lunch ladies at Nursery feed her by hand, too? Should I get a meal calendar from the school, so I know what's she's eating? I want to set up a CCTV feed direct streaming to my laptop so that I can  watch gather evidence figure out what to do about this, to prove it one way or the other. It'd probably violate many of those children's parents' official wishes to disallow their child from being  photographed (that's a totally separate issue) but this is getting serious for me! I have to know, for reals like, if Kiddo is already a mastertroll, manipulating me and her dad so that she gets what she wants, how she wants. If so, then babybird girl's done me proud.

Because I like to think she gets it from me.

Fun Video Friday with a Side of Sunshine Herpes

As always, there are a few things one must do to accept this award:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award and link back to them

2. Tell us something about yourself

3. Nominate 10 other bloggers

4. Contact these other bloggers and let them know they've received this award

1. Thank you Mallori! Your Life is Beautiful  brings me sunshine everytime I read it.  I'm really happy for you on your "big girl panties" journey.

2. I will never ever again buy new pants when I can go to a tailor. Best shopping experience I ever had was just this week. I took some pants to be taken in and when I picked them up after, they fit! No dressing rooms, no harried and disinterested salespeople. Just me and the lady who efficiently caressed my hips. 

3. All of the following bring sunshine to cold, grey,  and gloomy County Durham. The nominees are:

Bouncin' Barb- Barb, your last post was full of onions!

Lance- who thinks his blog can beat up your blog... and he's write.

Natalie at My Blog is Boring- kill that gal with kindness or as I prefer, aggressive friendly.

Stephanie of the Odd Duck- If I could pick a style, I'd pick rockabilly chic too.

Ms Blase' of Adult Awkwardness- What are holidays if not to eat the special food for it...um, hello? Passover?

Somnia of You are Loved - Keep on singing in that shower, girl!

Katie@ChickenNoodleGravyTrainBoatCasino- You know, you really should take my button down. But because of you and ML, traffic has increased to tens. 

TexaGermaFinlaNadian- Girl, you are too funny. And thanks for having my back.

Tai Tai- Like everyone else in the world, I'm sure you've got problems. However, you live in a travel brochure. No sympathy, girl. None. 

Michon Michon/Jules- I like the new direction you're going, I liked the old one too. So far, so good. Damn, I just thought of a Dave Matthews Band song .. so much to say, so much to say...I find sometimes it's easier to be myself, sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else.

4. Consider yourselves contacted.

And now for something completely different but typical for Friday
Watch the whole thing...and smile the whole time.

In Soviet Russia, books read you!

I could use my front yard as a dinner salad

The weather right now is fairly damp, here at the official onset of summer. Our front yard's grass has been green and peppered with dandelion leaves and blossoms. Although, come to think on it, the dandelions haven't puffballed yet. Hmm.

All throughout this past winter, my little lawn stayed an unholy shade of green under the snow drifts, but remained fairly short. No need to break out the lawn mower and rake when there's three feet of snow outside your front door. But it's late June now and the grass is growing tall again... It's a silent pissing contest; which of us can go the longest before they cave in and mow the damn lawn?

I lose all the time. Yes. I'm a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses Nagging Nancy. In fact, or rather, I can't keep up with these Joneses... they've got roses, real ones. I've got dandelions.

But I'm saving those for a salad.

I mean come on, look at it... it's the size of a friggin' postage stamp. That lawn ain't nothin'!

Oh salad! You so crazy!

But then, there's the lawn mower.

Old. Decrepit. Maybe even broken but it still turns on, so...

When we moved here, I thought "okay, that lawn's not so big. He'll definitely be able for it."

I forgot he's 6'4''. The lawnmower handlebars only come up so far as his knees. Bending over to mow the lawn hurts his back.

Well, bending over to vacuum the floor twinges mine. As does cleaning the bathtub and toilet.

But it isn't as if I can't give mowing a go every once in a while. Or maybe I can convince my neighbor that while he's mowing his postage stamp, he can mow ours at the same time too. I mean, it's right there and as long as he's there, why not? He can even have some lawn greens for his dinner salad.


 This week's writing prompt at Studio30+ is "The grass is growing tall again."

Decision Dice

In one of those really neat things about the blogworld, our activities today were because of this wonderful lady, Amanda

Amanda blogs at city girl gone coastal... She's a very creative gal, who's mom to two very lucky little twin boys!  Many times, I've read her stuff and thought, "holy shnikies...wow". She's always coming up with great crafty things (which, if you knew me in real life, you'd know I fancy that lifestyle) for her to doll up her space or for her two boys to play with. She gives step by step instructions, illustrated with pictures, as she completes the project. It's Crafting for Dummies like Mollie. 

When she posted about the Decision Dice as the perfect solution for curing indecisive children, I wanted one for me! It's been hard at times to decide what activities to do with Kiddo... so many to choose from! 

I convinced Amanda to make one for Kiddo. I offered hundreds of dollars, which she refused, since they don't accept dollars as currency here. So I offered to pay for the materials... and...

...that's a quality purchase! Look at that happy face! First, Kiddo and I played with the Decision Dice inside...it makes a great ball for inside the house play! And then we made cards to put inside the pockets, like so: 

Which resulted in the following:

 A walk where we got to see poppies growing in a field of wheat

Thanks to Lauren for the touch up! Photo taken with my Google HTC phone.
...as well as a masterpiece of artwork, created by both of us...

...which ultimately looks like a pizza. 

And now, Kiddo is tired and using the D.D. as a pillow while she watches Creature Comforts. A brilliantly successful day. Thank you Amanda!

Dancing with Abandon, The Barking Cat, and your weekly dose of Blog Herpes

You know that sentimental Purkey quote about love, life and dancing and watching?  I think this guy is the only guy who really lives that poem like he means it.

This kid dances at his bus stop like this every day.


What do you do everyday with such joyful abandon?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand because cats on the internet is what makes the sun rise and set (NEVER A MISCOMMUNICATION!) I leave you with the cat who wished to be a dog.

I totally love how he got all embarrassed from being caught barking.

***

Round two of Blog Herpes Innoculation - In hopes of immunization...I give you

From Jessey at The Minute Man's Wife  and Kristina at A Perfect Dose of Life

The rules for this particular award are pretty easy. 

1) Tell you who gave it to me. 

2) Put up a link to their blog. 

3)Pay it Forward to five more bloggers.

I had no idea TMMW's real name was Jessey until recently, but because of the unique world created by the online social network that is blogging, I think I do know her and quite well. Doesn't hurt that she gets close to telling all, either. Her life hasn't been all that sunshinelollipoppy recently and I hope you will stop by her blog to bestow some lovin'.

I mentioned Kristina in the last blog herpes giveaway because she was a victim awardee. Always, she is a happy part of the time of day when I'm reading Google reader. And when I get back to the states, I'm buying a Tazo Rooibus chai for her. I kick her ass at Words with Friends half the time. The other half, she pulls the rug out from under me. CURSE YOU KMSTREETER12509!

The following cats are good bloggers. Go forth and stalk.

• TriGirl at Tri-ing to be Athletic  An inspiring amateur athlete who blogs about her mishaps on her feet and stationary bike via drawings. 
• Nicole at Truth and Circumstances and Ninja Mom REAL ULTIMATE POWER IS NINJA MOM! She could totally take down a hippopotamus with her mom eyes.
• Breann at Life and Love of a ParrotHead New to me sorta-ish, but it's high time we get to know one another. Plus, she's an architect or rather, a designer for an architecture firm. I have a soft spot for architects....so she qualifies.
• Slidecutter Patti at Another Cookie Please It's said about her a bunch, but this woman is one of the most positive individuals even with her past experiences with her family. I know what she experienced in second hand way, and I wish I had had her kind of grace. She leaves the best comments and is a pretty good writer in her own right. 
• Dr Cynicism at Cynicism 101 He's basically me if I was a college professor and I blogged about the stupid shit college freshmen utter and commit. Sometimes I wish I had a teaching job just so I could say, 'Hey Dr C...guess what Herpette said to Derpette today?' because he'd totally be like "FML, I'm getting them when they graduate, right?" Plus, he's a writer for Sprocket Ink... creme de la creme of blogworld.

Not as bad, but still not ideal

Thanks for the outpouring of support...I'm a bit overwhelmed by some of you, who don't know me or Kiddo. I appreciate your ninja/hippotamus skills in 'getting my back'. The child in question, in addition to having cerebral palsy, has some emotional issues that the school (for legal reasons) cannot explain explicitly to me. What I do know, is that he has the disability that prevents him from achieving empathy for others. What I don't know is if it is a result of brain chemical imbalance or an environmental affectation.

After the anger  rage abates, I feel sorry for the boy. No, hear me out.

Up until just recently, for perfectly logical reasons, very few of the children would play with him. Kiddo was one of three who would play with and sit at lunch with him. He has no friends and his mother is a single, working mom. She may have a boyfriend, but really, what kind of help is that? And she's going to have to deal with this for the rest of his life. He's going to have to be this way for the rest of his life.

I'd rather be in a man-made prison than one like that.

I went to the school to get more of the issue clarified yesterday. I spoke with the deputy headteacher, AKA assistant principal, who also happens to be the lead teacher in Kiddo's classroom. It is he who is removed from any room or outdoor space, should Kiddo decide that is where she wants to be. It is he who no longer participates in group activities. He is the one who takes his meals in the small room, off of the cloakroom. Kiddo's routine has had no changes whatsoever. I apologize if I gave that impression. I can see now how it could be construed in such way.

I asked why he hadn't been removed from the school permanently because of this event. It is because of the nature of his IEP. It is illegal for the school to do more than what they are doing at this time. Prior to this, they weren't allowed to touch him. Now, they are. This is the nature of special education in this region of the world. Inclusion, schminclusion.

After my conversation with the deputy headteacher, I am slightly appeased and my worries are marginally assuaged. I asked for the report's wording to be amended, from "pushed" to "slammed".  I'm still going to speak to the headteacher since she was not there when I went to the school. No big deal, a death in her family.

Wow, that sounded callous.

Anyway, he will no longer be in the after-school program (the where and when the event happened) after tomorrow. He will still be allowed to attend the school portion of the day, which for him is three hours of Nursery in the morning. Kiddo attends in the afternoon. While not being swift and harsh justice, it is a gentle and unrelenting sort of discipline. So British.

***

In other news, my feet are not as bad as they were. They are however, far from ideal. So I did something radical. It made me do this to my chin and eyebrows:

It felt like ticklish pins and needles. Can you guess what it is?

It's legen....

WAIT FOR IT..............

DARY!!!!

Garra rufa fish, aka DOCTOR FISH!

Click on this word to find out more about Dr. Fish since I'm really not going to be able to answer your many many many questions.

FEEDING FRENZY!

And my feet are so minty fresh and smooth! While my callouses are not totally and completely gone, the overall condition of my feet are much better.

I thought, what the hell? It was "Buy One Get One Free". I asked for more than two fish and the lady looked at me weird. Turns out I get to have a free Garra Rufa fish pedicure when I buy a Garra Rufa fish pedicure.

The lady warned me before I put my feet in to "look ahead and don't look down until you get used to it. Because it's for the best." I asked her to take a picture of me as soon as I put my feet in for the first time.

Probably not all that inspiring of a face, but hey... there's half a smile!

 I think they should have a wall of such pictures for potential customers to peruse as they're pondering whether or not to get the Doctor Fish pedi-nibblefest.

The result was that my feet felt like how I imagine Jason Segal's hair. Smooth and silky.

A++!!! Would buy from again!