And I would walk 500 miles...

... or rather, more like 300+, just to be the mom who gives her kid a hell of a time at a favorite cartoon character's theme park. And I'd take the train instead.

Mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said "tickets for us all to go to Peppa Pig World!" I was not disappointed. We like Peppa Pig in this house, even if throngs of little girls are threatening. Just ask Allie Brosh.

Peppa Pig World, located in Paulton's Park, is a great place to take little kids to ride rides and look at stuff, like meerkats and penguins.

Long train rides wouldn't be complete without Baby Sweetie Belle.

Representing west side or east side? I never knew which pants leg went with which direction.

 While waiting in the Balloon Ride queue (line for you Amurrcans), I couldn't help but notice some differences between British queuers and American line-uppers at a pricey theme park.

1. British families are quieter. 
2. British families are fitter.
3. British mummies bring healthy food in large cooler bags for their children to eat while waiting in the queue.
4. British daddies don't spaz out on their small children when their small children refuse to eat fruit and dump it all out in the middle of the walkway. 
5. British people help aforementioned daddy clean up the spilled fruit.

And then I got to see some differences between British social classes as a result... Later in the week, after the trip to Paulton's Park & PPW, I took Natalie to the park (two minute walk now!). There was a family there sitting at one of the picnic tables. Every so often, the fatter of the three ladies would shriek at the top of her lungs some name at random and whatever offending child that name belonged to would cease what they were doing only long enough for the lady to turn back to her family? friends? and her tab. Tab, in the northeast of England is a cigarette.

Eventually they left. They also left several empty crisps packets and drinks bottles. So, here's what I deduced from this, after (surreptitiously of course) watching them for several minutes:

1. Northern British families found in a local neighborhood park are not like the British families found in a Southern theme park.
2. Not all British families are fit. Which I knew anyway, but I'd like to reiterate this.
3. Northern British families of a certain class that can be found in a local neighborhood park don't particularly care to clean up after themselves. 
1. Understandable, since there aren't any trash cans in the vicinity and really, who wants to take their trash home? Seems like there's plenty there already.
4. Northern British daddies of a certain type do not interact directly with their progeny.
5. Northern British mummies of a certain type prefer tracksuit bottoms and hoodies for comfort wear.

Alright. Enough of that depressing shit. Back to the greatness that is Peppa Pig World!

I think there's a picture somewhere of me doing this exact thing while waiting in line for a ride at Disney Land. All kids do this. See that other kid? The one paying homage to Shark Week? Yep. Oh, here's another homage to Shark Week...


Unoriginal Source

Here we are on Peppa Pig's Balloon Ride with the ubiquitous sunglasses. I must always have my sunglasses. My Precious.

First ride on her very own! So proud that it was on George's Dinosaur Adventure.

To solo ride rides at Peppa Pig World, one must be 900 millimetres tall. Yes. That's how it was phrased on each height required panel at the entrance to every ride. 900 millimetres. This is 90 centimeters or three footlong subs from Subway (or City Bites, if that's what floats your boat. I worked there, so it don't for me).

I don't know why "900 millimetres" ticks me off. Could be that the "900" is too big a number to process or that it all seemed a bit pretentious? How the hell was I supposed to know that I needed to know my kid's height in "millimetres"? But is okay. They let her ride the ride by herself. And then because of how it was arranged, I had to ride the ride too. All by myself.

My mom was so proud.

The lovely animatronics. I had no idea that they were animatronics  because they didn't move nor did their mouths all that much. A little.  But then they did. Jerkily and in time with the audio playing. I thought it well done that it was in time with the audio.

Viking Boat swing. The best ride ever!

All tuckered out.

Going home.

One last thing... never saw a Park Worker cleaning up after patrons. Everyone cleaned up after themselves. I wish I could bottle that up and export it as supplementary vitamins. 

Good time and yes, I'd like to go back again because there's more to that park than just Peppa Pig World, like 75% more. 

Oh, and I haven't forgotten about the butcher interview. It's coming. It'll suck, most likely but that's because you didn't leave a question for me to ask him. So you won't get to have your deepest curiosity satiated. OR you could leave a question now and have it be your last ditch effort, I won't mind.